[BC] May your days be merry and ?

[Robert Paine]

For many of us, the Christmas season is often a trying time emotionally. Since I was in my teens I've looked to humor to get me through. Over the years, I collected a lot of parodies, comedy routines, silly songs and other stuff that has kept me from going crazy in what feels like an insane season.
 One of my favorites is I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas, which was originally recorded by Yogi Yorgesson (Harry Stewart) and later by his good friend and former host of the KING 5 Clubhouse, Stan Boreson.
 Here's my take on it. Hope it helps someone who can use a few yuks to make it through till Happy New Year. I need all I can get.
 
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
The family was sleeping so I was quiet as a mouse.
I looked at my watch (it's the Bill Clinton one I got - from George Bush) and midnight was near.
I thought I'd sneak out for some late Yuletide cheer.
Down at the diner, the crowd was so merry.
I stayed much too long, munching chocolate covered cherries. (Sugar-free...I'm diabetic, you know....)
I got to bed late and how sound I was sleeping
When onto the bed the whole family came leaping.
They sat on my face and they jumped on my belly (burfff),
And I quivered all over, like my wife's homemade jelly.
They screamed "Merry Christmas!", and my poor wife and me
We staggered downstairs, and she lit up the tree. (I don't even imbibe but, boy, how I was lit!)
My head was on fire, my mouth tasted like a pickle.
I fell on a skateboard and dove over a tricycle.
For a time before dinner, I relaxed - to a point
Till relatives came swarming all over the joint.
On Christmas, I hug and I kiss my wife's mother.
The rest of the year, we don't speak to each other.
After dinner, my aunt and my wife's Uncle Louie
Got into an argument (They're both AWFULLY screwy.)
Then all my wife's family said Louie was right
And my whacked-out relations got into the fight.
Over in the corner, the TV was playing.
And over the racket, Brian Williams was saying,
"Peace on earth, everybody. Good will to men."
Then Jiggs leapt off the sofa and sacked Cousin Len.
They all ran outside screaming so the neighbors would hear....
Man, I'm glad Merry Christmas come just ONCE a year.
 
Happy holidays to all and to all, a large Alka-Seltzer on the rocks. With a twist of lemon or lime.
Have a safe one.
 
Bob Paine